So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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