I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize