my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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