You smell like a Billy Joel song
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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