I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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