sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
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I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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