Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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