Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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