I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize