I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
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Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
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When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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