I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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