My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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