everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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