We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize