im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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