On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize