I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
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I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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