the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My bed smells like the plague
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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