What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
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Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
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You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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