Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
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Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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