checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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