Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
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