i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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