i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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