But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
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totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize