I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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