He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
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Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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