I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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