Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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