so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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