never play flip cup with pint glasses
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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