I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
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Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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