The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
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im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
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you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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