If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize