I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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