How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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