Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize