I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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