Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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