my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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