I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
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i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize