life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
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I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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