You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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