just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize