His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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