Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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