that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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