I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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