Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize