i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im holly from the hills drunk
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
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You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
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So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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